yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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