If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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