Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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