Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
