I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
