So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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