Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
