All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
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