You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
