Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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