I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
