Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
