if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
