i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
