We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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