1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
