somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
