hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well you can't waste a boner
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
