The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
