I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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