please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
