I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize