i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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