All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize