this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
