The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
