I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
