We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
