Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
