I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
