Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
