I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
