did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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