she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
