i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
