Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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