arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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