i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
