ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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