So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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