please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
