My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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