I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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