Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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