Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
