weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
