Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
