apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
