you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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