I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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