i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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