Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
