She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
