I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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