I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
