Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How naked do you want me to be?
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