yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
