Got a toothbrush?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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