my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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