And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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