I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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