this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
