Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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