ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
