I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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