Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
is it fun? or sober?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
