Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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