Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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